When God Created Mothers

Erma Bombeck

When the Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of "overtime" when the angel appeared and said, "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."

And the Lord said, "Have you seen the specs on this order? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic; have 180 movable parts.. .all replaceable; run on black coffee and leftovers; have a lap that disappears when she stands up; a kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair; and six pairs of hands."

The angel shook her head slowly and said "Six pairs of hands?.... no way."

"It's not the hands that are causing me problems," said the Lord. It's those three pairs of eyes that mothers have."

"Is that on the standard model?" asked the angel?

The Lord nodded His head. "one pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, 'what are you kids doing in there?' when she already knows; another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't, but what she has to know and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say, 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word."

"Lord" said the angel touching his sleeve gently, "come to bed, Tomorrow...."

"I can't" said the Lord, "I'm so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick.. can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger...and can get a nine year old to stand under a shower".

The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly, "It's too soft." she sighed.

"But tough!" said the Lord excitedly. "you can not imagine what this mother can do or endure..."

The angel then asked, "can she think?"

"Not only think, but she can reason and compromise," said the Creator.

Finally the angel bent over and ran a finger across the cheek, "There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told you, you were trying to put too much into this model."

"It's not a leak," said the Lord, "It's a tear."

"What's it for?" asked the angel.

"It's for joy, sadness, pain, disappointment, loneliness and pride." the Lord replied.

"Lord You are a genius" said the angel.

The Lord looked somber and said,
"I did not put it there."